ROM 2010: A Journey of Openness

As you read this, thirty-five courageous men and women are on a journey in Croatia.  Their physical location will not change (except for an occasional field trip to the coast) for they are not touring to see the ancient villages and beautiful islands of the Dalmatian Coast.  Theirs is a journey of transformation and discovery, which is why I call them courageous.

They are purposely crossing boundaries that most of us are not brave enough to get near or even consider venturing across.  They are finding openings in the walls that separate enemies and walking through them not to attack each other but to build relationships.  Serbs, Bosnians, Kosovars, Albanians, Croats, Macedonians joined by some Northern Irish, Americans, Romanians and Dutch – they are challenging the mental models, the ethnic stereotypes and misunderstandings that would keep them divided.

Along the way they are also speaking the truth about the atrocities each side has committed against the other.  They speak the truth not in order to whip up their hatred of the other but to acknowledge the suffering of all and the need for a new collective future.  Together they are learning the power of forgiveness to remove the shackles of bitterness, spite, and hatred.

At the same time, they are working to understand how the structures of a society can perpetuate injustice, setting the stage for future violence.  Together they work to understand how those unjust structures can be transformed to assure equal freedom, equal protection under the rule of law, equal opportunity for all families to thrive, and equal opportunities for all to contribute to the building a good society.

For the 9th summer in a row, it has been my privilege to help guide and equip intrepid travelers at the ROM Leadership Development Workshop in their journey of conflict transformation.  Together we explore principles and practices of Generative Dialogue, working together to create a “relational container” strong enough to hold the differences.  We engage with one another, as Otto Scharmer of MIT describes, at the levels of the open mind, open heart, and open will.  

“Open mind” because we suspend our judgments long enough to more fully explore the ideas and thinking of each other, seeking more understanding.  

“Open heart” because we also listen to each other’s life stories or narratives, seeking to put ourselves in the shoes of the other and so develop increased empathy.  

“Open will” because as we continue on this journey together we discover that there are old accepted constructs and mental models that must be abandoned in order to let a new future together come into being through the unique contribution of each of us.

Some of you who are reading this may at this point be thinking this all sounds so soft.  You may be asking, “What have you really accomplished?”  But consider that all of the violent conflicts of today are rooted in deep hatreds and enmities that have grown up over generations between ethnic groups who have identified other groups that are responsible for keeping them from obtaining necessary resources and achieving their dreams.  They are caught up in an intractable cycle of mistrust, fear, hostility, and repeated violence that drives them to band together in tribes and clans they can trust to stand by them for mutual protection.  Their leaders manipulate their fears to further establish the bonds of the group and their own authority that is vital to their future safety.

When the root causes of conflict are psychosocial, old models of state-to-state diplomacy are ineffective in achieving peace.  In fact, research and experience tell us that every long lasting peace agreement was preceded by behind the scenes relationship building among mid-level leaders of the opposing groups.  Peace can come only with transformation of hearts, minds, and relationships among former enemies across societies.

This is the foundation laying work of peacebuilding.  As relationships are rebuilt, former enemies can come together to envision an interdependent future in which all thrive, instead of one group thriving at the expense of the other.  Together they can begin building that future addressing the structural components of society (the ways things get done) to make them more just and less violent (see “Peace Building” by John Paul Lederach for a more extensive explanation).

Let me make this more concrete.  One young man, Shaban, told me, “At ROM I was loved for the first time not for what I am for but just that I am.”  That experience led him, as he returned to his country, to put together a conference in which the leaders of the youth leagues of several opposing parties came together in a time of crisis.  One of the outcomes of the conference was a written commitment to work together in the upcoming elections to be more civil in their campaigning against each other.  One of their promises was literally not to curse each other on television and in interviews as they campaign for office in the next election.  I would love to take some Republicans and Democrats from our country to his, to learn from these young politicians who have recognized that they need to elevate their rhetoric and make it less violent.

This is not mere idealistic and impractical theory.    This is what is happening in places where peace is being built.  The only question is, can a critical mass of citizens actively building peace be achieved quickly enough before others in the society move to repeat the cycle of violence?  It depends, doesn’t it, on how many of us choose to engage in the project.  Do you agree?